


How to live with the Justice League's utterly terrible attempts to matchmake you with your best friend

by Blackjay27



Series: How to be a male Batgirl [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Bad Matchmaking, Can you tell?, Dick Grayson living up to his name, Gen, I Tried, I make up 90 percent of my tags on the spot, Jason Todd is Red Kite, Platonic Life Partners, Split into two chapters for structural reasons, Tim Drake is Black Bat, Wonder Woman is the sanest member of the Justice League, because there's nothing to matchmake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8134898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackjay27/pseuds/Blackjay27
Summary: It is a fact multiversally acknowledged that a Dick Grayson in possession of younger siblings must have somebody to ship them with (and then protect them from once the relationship starts, because why not). Unfortunately for Tim and Jason, he managed to drag a lot of people into the JayTim boat, and not all of them are willing to listen to protests...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter starts just post 'How to become a male Batgirl', second chapter ends around the time of 'Battle for the cowl' in canon. Everything in between happens roughly in the given order.

Tim shifted awkwardly under Bab’s calculating gaze. Maybe if he sat still long enough she would spit out whatever she was thinking and he could get on with eating his breakfast without feeling utterly uncomfortable. (Hopefully she hadn’t worked out he was drinking the coffee she’d banned him from again, it had taken months to work out the correct balance of strength and additives to disguise it as milky tea.)

“So, you and Jason…” Tim stiffened slightly. That sentence could trigger many endings, from _‘You have a mission together’_ to _‘The two of you wouldn’t happen to be the reason several Molotov Cocktail ingredients have vanished from around the manor, would you?’_ Babs raised an eyebrow at his reaction and continued while Tim took a drink. “You don’t actually have crushes on each other, do you?” Really, Babs should have predicted that she’d end up wearing Tim’s spit-take _before_ she asked the question, though he couldn’t fault her for being so disgusted.

“What! And, uhh, sorry?”

“Apology accepted, now can you pass the tissues? Thank you. Anyway, you heard the question. Crush on Jay, yay or nay?”

“Um, not anymore, but a bit of one before I became Black Bat, I think? He’s really more of a brother to me than anything, and I’m pretty sure he thinks of me in the same way. Why is it important?” Babs shrugged.

“Dick made a few inaccurate-sounding comments _during_ the JLA meeting where he took B’s place last night. I just wanted to make certain that he was actually wrong.” Tim didn’t like the way she put the emphasis on ‘during’, it implied that Dick had done something else before or after the meeting that was also related to his relationship (or lack thereof) with Jason.

“I see, and if I were to try to hack the Watchtower’s security recordings I would have to do what exactly?”

“Officially I have to tell you it’s next to impossible. Unofficially I sent a list of all the little backdoors Vic and I have built into the system over the years to your Delphi network. Even more unofficially I already copied the files you’ll want and sent them along with the list. You can thank me after you find out what I agreed to be the neutral judge for.” Oh god, whatever Dick had done needed a neutral judge. If he’d put a bet on when and how (Never and in no way.) Jason and Tim would get together… Tim gathered up his remaining breakfast and set off for his room. He needed to find out what had happened _now_.

* * *

 

Jason grinned as he allowed himself to be backed up against the chain-link fence. Did Black Mask _really_ think security guards of this quality would be enough to keep the Bats out of one of his warehouses? The five of them hadn’t even bothered to call for help from the muscle that would inevitably be inside to ensure the drug deal went smoothly. Still, a nice brawl would make a good warm-up to busting the warehouse…

Or at least, it would’ve, had a swarm of batarangs not come scything out of the night and knocked the guards out. Jason swore under his breath and bent to pick one up. Fucking B said he’d be on the other side of the city with Steph, not sniping one of the first busts he gave Jason full control over. Still, the batarangs had a bit more kick than B usually gave them, were they a new design? Oh wait, they were dark grey with an electric green trim, Tim’s _black_ batarangs, not B’s plain ones. (And it said a lot about the kid that he complained about Dickie’s naming ability, then just stuck ‘black’ in front of various bat-themed-item-names to mark them as being his variation on said item.) Jason scanned the area for his Batgirl counterpart, Tim wouldn’t have interfered without a reason. Ah, there he was, on the warehouse roof giving Jason Black Batglare #3, _‘We need to talk’_. A quick grapple up and-

“What’s the big problem, Babybat?”

“Partly the fact that you’ve adopted that stupid nickname from your big brother, but mainly the fact that he’s living up to his name and has managed to drag the _Justice League_ along with him. Did you know he, well, _ships_ us?” What. No. Jason had not known that. And now that he did he would quite like to go find Martian Manhunter and request a return to that blessed ignorance. “And that he’s managed to set up a JLA betting pool about when and where we’ll be getting together?” Closing his eyes, Jason slowly lowered his head to touch the window in roof of the warehouse and let out a long aggravated moan. “Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction.” Turning his head just enough to see Tim, Jason let out the full force of his mimicked Resting Bat-ch face.

“He does know that they’re exactly the kind of people who will try their level best to get us together when and how they bet we would?” Tim grimaced and nodded.

“On the plus side, Babs is holding the money and acting as a neutral judge, and she believed me when I said whatever is between us isn’t romantic, at least not from my end and that was a terrible way to break it to you if your end was romantic wasn’t it?” Kinda. At least Babs wouldn’t let the JLA go too far out of control on the ‘winning the bet’ front.

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I’m not interested in you that way. Platonic life partnership is the furthest we’ll- what the _fuck_ happened to all those goons in the warehouse?!” The deal that should have been going on below had turned into a pile of unconscious bodies all bound to each other.

“Given the fact that a still-warm pie and a note appeared behind us while we talked, either a speedster or Superman.” Tim opened the note. “Superman. He says to ‘not worry about patrol, he’ll handle it’ and ‘just enjoy Ma’s pie and chat with each other, you may find you have more in common than you think’.” Seriously Clark _that_ was your best matchmaking attempt? “At least we got free pie and a chance to see a Batman/Superman glare-off this time around. I have a sneaking suspicion that other people are going to be far more annoying.” Yeah, this was going to get really fucking old really fucking fast. Jason settled down next to Tim and made grabby hands for the pie. Might as well enjoy the good bits now, and pie was one of the areas where Alfred had a real fight on his hands to come out a better cook than the Kent matriarch.

* * *

 

“Ok, Mr Jordan, we do appreciate the thought, but can you understand why we reacted to being trapped in a small green bubble of air in the vacuum of space by planning to commit justifiable violence on the trapper rather than declaring our love to each other?”

* * *

 

“Why the fuck do you even _have_ an arrow that turns into a bouquet of roses in mid-flight!? And don’t say ‘aesthetic’!”

* * *

 

“Umm, well, thanks for using your lasso of truth to work out that Jason and I aren’t interested in each other before joining the betting pool, I guess? But can I, uhh, suggest that next time you ask, or at least use a better distraction than shouting ‘What’s that behind you?’ then lassoing us?”

* * *

 

“And why did you think turning into a lovebird and circling our heads would get me and Tim together?”

“It worked for me and Raven, right babe?”

“No, it didn’t. And I keep telling you, they don’t have crushes on each other, listen to the empath.”

“Oh yeah, then why’d you join the betting pool?”

“It was the easiest way to get Dick to stop bugging me about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the point at which this chapter ends feels random, that's mainly because this is the best point to split what should be one big oneshot in order to neutralise/weaken it's pacing issues without butchering it. Part 2 is already up, so proceed.


	2. Chapter 2

Tim got a strong sense of deja-vu as Cass pinned him with a strong glare while he drank his morning cup of milky tea. (Babs had been getting suspicious that he might have found a way of sneaking coffee past her, and had started random spot-checks on his hot drinks, so Tim was waiting for the fuss to go down before he started drinking it again.)

“You and Jason…” Yup, here they went again. “Not a couple.” She said it in such a flat, uninterested way that Tim burst out laughing. “What?”

“Sorry, just the way you said that last bit… Anyway, let me guess. Dick tried to make you bet on when and how the two of us will become an item?” Cass paused for a moment, brows furrowed as she finished decoding the sentence, then made a half nod, and half shake-of-the-head movement.

“Just ‘how’. They stopped ‘when’, everybody lost at least twice.” Tim could see that, ironically the superhero community’s efforts to get Jason and him together had destroyed any real chance of it ever happening due to their sheer stubbornness. It was a wonder that the bet was still going.

“So, did you bet on us never getting together? Because, barring accidents involving one of us, that’s going to be hard to persuade people to agree to pay out for.” Cass snorted and shook her head.

“Not that stupid. Bet that you kiss once just in case, then move in together pla-platypusly?”

“Platonically. P-L-A-T-O-N-I-C-A-L-L-Y.”

“Yes, that, and live with at least a pet, maybe a child or two, together with your other, non-…platonic, yes? Yes. With your other non-platonic, not-each-other partners.” As she finished the sentence, Cass thrust out her chin, daring Tim to disagree. He decided that it was perhaps best not to, given that they would be sparring later in the day, and he actually wanted to learn something more than how to lie on the floor unconscious. Who knew, her prediction could be right.

* * *

 

“Ok, I appreciate that you’ve changed your arrows from roses to love-hearts, but both Black Bat and I would really like it if you’d _stop fucking shooting them at us_!”

* * *

 

“Evening Ivy. Harley. Catwoman. No offence, but you guys kinda seem to be the wrong side of the law to be involved in a Justice League betting pool.”

“Betting pool? Nah, it just wouldn’t be a girls’ night out without at least one of Gotham’s male vigilantes getting all tied up. Really, you should just thank your lucky stars you’re only bound back-to-back, if we hadn’t seen you grow up from tiny kids you’d be in a far more… compromising… pose.”

“Oh thank god, last time we were bound like this somebody tried to persuade us we wanted to date.”

“Oh _really._ Names, locations, dates, please.”

“Yeah! Messing with your sex lives is our job! Well, Ivy and Catty’s jobs, I’m _perfectly_ happy with my Mistah Jay.”

* * *

 

“Hey, uh, Steph? Could you tell Superboy that as much as me and Tim appreciate the pie, the ‘give them food and time to talk’ method was tried extensively by Clark early on in the fucking bet and failed extensively? We’d do it ourselves, but figured that as his team leader and best friend you’d do it better without triggering his issues with Superman.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks for thinking enough to ask.”

“Ok then. Oh, and if Impulse acts on his plan to make things romantic by kidnapping us and dragging us to Venice I _will_ force-feed him his own kneecaps. That might sound like overkill, but I’ve had enough of speedster-enforced trips to shitty romantic destinations.”

“I’ll dress that up nicely and pass it on to Bart, don’t worry.”

* * *

 

“OLIVER JONAS QUEEN I SWEAR TO GOD IF I EVER SEE ONE OF YOUR BLOODY FUCKING ‘CUPID’ ARROWS AGAIN I WILL SHOVE IT SOOO FAR UP YOUR ASS ITS SHIT PITHY ROMANTIC MESSAGES WILL TEAR OFF YOUR  FUCKING STUPID MUSTACHE AS THEY EMERGE FROM YOUR BLOODY NOSE, SO HELP ME SUPERMAN!” Connor turned helplessly to Jason.

“Who exactly taught Tim to be this good at swearing?” The ex-robin shrugged.

“A combination of me and Lady Blackhawk, mainly. The bigger question is how Roy, Lian and Mia got changed into cheerleading outfits with Tim’s name on so fast.” Connor returned the shrug.

“Dinah and I try not to question what the rest of our family do with their remaining sanity, there’s a very legitimate fear that it will leave, forcing us to move in with Babs and Tim.” Though that would reduce the chances of somebody wandering into Connor’s room to discuss their latest epiphany with him because he’s the ‘spiritual one’. There was only so much one person could take of a drunk Ollie comparing the meaning of life to a good chilli…

“You are aware that no matter how much Tim’ll try to be like this while running your little junior Birds of Prey, he does have a few…”

“Issues with things like clowns? I know. The moment it became clear to him that the team was going to become something a little bigger than a few teenage vigilantes running the same job coincidentally several times he sat me down and led me through the full list, even the ones he thinks he’s worked through fully, which did make up most of the list. We gave Misfit the Cliff’s notes on it too.”  Jason smiled and clapped Connor on the back.

“The full list, huh. Welp, if Tim’s given you that much, may as well say this: welcome to the extended Batfamily, home of not just yourself but such illustrious figures as your stepmother and Catwoman- that’s intended as a compliment, by the way- who now know enough of our big secrets to be included in our loving but morally dubious monitoring. Also, I’m pretty sure telling somebody in person everything about what happened to him is how Tim declares that he trusts them absolutely, so B is going to want to interview and vet you at some point, just so you know.” Oh, okay. That would be something to look forward to…

* * *

 

“I don’t know _how_ Ivy got her name into the betting pool, but we are not. Mentioning. Her attempt to win it. Ever. Again.”

“Agreed. Could have been worse though, she could have used the sex pollen. And Harley _did_ warn us that messing with our love lives was her job.”

“Ever. Again. Even to say how much worse it could have been, or how we were warned”

* * *

 

“Really, Talia? How does playing ninja matchmaker between Jason and I advance your plans?”

“Mainly it gives me something to do to pass the time while the bits of my plans that advance themselves advance. It also gives me insight into teenage dating that may well come in useful someday…”

“Ooh, ominous. Can I go now? Those explosions tell me that at least one of the pyromaniacal members of my team has escaped your father’s trap, and we both have assets in this building we need to grab before it goes up in flames too.”

“I suppose so. Tell Beloved he’ll see the fruit of my labour soon.”

“Again with the cryptically ominous statements. Tell your father that the job offer was appreciated, but I’m quite happy as a high schooler.”

* * *

 

Jason opened the door of the hotel room Dick had booked Tim and him for their away mission, took one look at the contents, and shut the door again.

“I told you we shoulda booked a different room the second we heard Dickie-bird had a hand in making the arrangements.” Tim rolled his eyes.

“Yes, but Alfred had a hand in them too.” Sadly, that was all the counter-argument Tim needed. “It can’t be that bad, let me-” Jason tried to block Tim off from the door, but the male batgirl’s smaller body let him slide through with ease. “-see… Ookaay, it _is_ that bad. Roses, heart-shaped pillows that take up half the bed, champagne, shag carpeting, silk bed sheets, soundproofed walls, rose petal trails, ocean views… Your big brother is trying to get us laid.” Jason trailed Tim in. Dick had clearly found every romantic cliché in the book and thrown cash at the hotel staff until they had mashed as many into the room as possible. It wasn’t subtle.

“I don’t even know why he hasn’t given up yet, I mean, they’ve been trying this for fucking years. Actually, I don’t know why he even started it.” Tim shrugged and wandered out onto the balcony.

“The attempts have been slowing down, though. Nowadays it’s mainly a rite of passage for rookie heroes, and for some reason a way for Talia to de-stress. As for why he started it, well… I think it started because we were Batgirl and Robin, and the precedent was for those two roles to become romantically entwined. Then-”

“Literally one prior generation is a shitty precedent!”

“I know, but it’s Dick. He probably meant it as a joke. And then time went on and we never really stopped operating as a pair. Did you know that thanks to Green Arrow and Black Canary’s various break-ups and that time Ollie was dead we’re the longest-operating duo of equal skill and status superheroes worldwide.” What? No. They couldn’t be.

“Really?”

“Uh-huh, and literally everybody else in the top five has had a romantic relationship with their partner-in-crimefighting at some point, which is probably why the betting pool has persisted, because we’re an outlier that nobody can explain.” Well, that actually made a little sense.

“Has nobody considered that maybe all those successful romantic partnerships are the outliers and on average the friendship-based teams last longer?” Tim scoffed.

“Hate to break it to you, but statistical analysis is not the natural mode of human thought. I’ll crunch the numbers later, that sounds interesting, but for now we have the three ‘S’s of the perfect bat-holiday available to us. Let’s take advantage of them.”

“If one of those ‘S’s is ‘sex’, I swear…”

“Nah. Sun, Sea and Surprise Violence. I’m 90% certain I just saw Deadshot and Ragdoll down in the streets.”

* * *

 

“Well, Star Sapphire ma’am, I have good new and I have bad news. Good news is that your power ring isn’t broken. Bad news is that the reason it isn’t detecting a star-searing potential romance between Red Kite and I is because we are literally just really good friends. Nightwing, the guy with the fantastic ass who told you about us, is just _really_ bad at recognising that.”

“Well this whole trip was a waste of time. Last time I trust the local rumour mill to try and find extra relationships to help.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. If it would make you feel any better, my elder sister could use some advice on lesbian relationships, and refuses to listen to me or our adoptive mother because we don’t have any experience of relationships between girls, whereas promoting love is kinda your _thing_. It’s nowhere near the forging of a great love you were promised, but I know for a fact that there’s only one girl she’s really interested in. Do you want to help?”

“That would be better than doing nothing and wasting the journey, yes. I’ll see what help I can offer her.”

* * *

 

“Seriously, Harper? Did you learn nothing from all your old man’s failures? Getting your daughter to make the romantic messages was a nice touch, though.”

“Eh, neither of us really think you’ll get together, Dick was last night’s babysitter, he managed to persuade Lian to make that arrow, and I couldn’t let it go to waste…”

* * *

 

Technically, walking into Wayne Enterprise’s top-floor office to find the CEO face-planting the desk and groaning horribly should be a big cause for concern in an average employee of the company. Fortunately, Tim wasn’t an average employee and knew Jason hated being the CEO only slightly less than he hated the series of events that had pushed him into the role.

“What was it this time? Unreasonable board meeting? Incomprehensible paperwork? The sudden realisation that you’re in the same tax bracket as Lex Luthor now?” Jason’s groaning intensified, then died off.

“None of the above, or at least not until you made me do the third one.” Jason twisted so Tim could see his face while Jason could maintain his slump. “It was actually an overly-chatty coffee trolley guy. Did you know that several members of our staff are pulling a Justice League on us?”

“They’re pulling on armoured tights and fighting crime at all hours of the day all over the world?” Jason just gave him a wry smile. “Yeah, that was never going to be the answer. I mean, I can see where they’re coming from with the betting pool.  You’re the young, hot, confirmed bisexual new boss who took control after his father’s ‘tragic accident’, and I’m the beautiful PA you didn’t even bother interviewing before giving me a job. It just screams ‘office romance’, at least if your primary source of romance is Mills and Boon novels.”

“The only tragic thing about that accident was that we had to trade Hush out for a decoy body. Who does he think he is, stealing Bruce’s face like that!?” Jason snarled and muttered several more derogatory things about Thomas Elliot under his breath before visibly wresting his emotions under control again. “Given the amount of paperwork I have to read through at the top, you’d think the people under me have just as much work to do instead of gossiping about their boss of all bosses, the ultimate overlord of their employment.” Tim just raised an eyebrow at Jason and watched him squirm slightly. (It was a very good eyebrow raise, Tim had stolen it from Wonder Woman, the rightful queen of making deadpan expressions to shut people up because you’re surrounded by idiots.)

“I know for certain that you wouldn’t fire an employee for gossiping, just for the sheer fact that it would involve too much paperwork. Speaking of which, do you want me to fake your signature on some of today’s workload?”

“Well yeah, but it’s the principle of the thing, y’know? And no, I’m fine. The longer I take to finish up here, the greater the chance I can get home after everyone’s out on patrol and avoid being forced to join one side or another in the inevitable arguments.” Tim let out a mental sigh of relief. One of the Robins had _finally_ admitted that all was not well at home. It should _not_ have taken this long. Now to pretend like the Batgirls hadn’t seen this coming a mile off…

“Oh, trouble in the Bat-bunker?”

“Not just _trouble!_ Damian snipes at everybody’s weaknesses and then has the temerity to act like we should be _grateful_!” Actually, by League of Shadows standards what Damian was doing amounted to a series of helpful hints. Somebody was going to have to talk to him about that. It was probably going to be Tim. That was going to be fun. (Tim wasn't sure if he was saying that sarcastically, conversations with both of the kid's parents could be either extremely entertaining or very aggravating, and he took after both.)“Dick gives Damian reasonable orders, which he disobeys, and that causes an argument. Damian’s presence basically flips Steph’s rage switch and they try to tear each other apart the second they’re not being supervised, causing more arguments. Steph is actually trying to do what Dick asked of her and be his equal not his Robin, but every time she does what Nightingale should do as a partner instead of what Robin would have done as a sidekick Dick shuts her down, leading to, you guessed it, even _more_ arguments. And no matter what the argument is about or who’s participating in it, I’m expected to agree with both sides!” Tim nodded understandingly, mainly because he did understand.

“Okay, I have a plan. You move in with me.” That jerked Jason from his slump to a fully upright position.

“What?”

“You heard me. You. Move in. With me. It’ll drive the gossip around the betting pool into the gutter, but living with everybody else is clearly not doing you any good. Alfred gave me a bag with a few days’ worth of your clothes in, so you can do it tonight, if you want.” Jason narrowed his eyes at Tim.

“You’ve been planning this for a while, then, if you’ve already got that sorted out.”

“Alfred knew you were having trouble because of how you magically became the neutral one in the family fights all of a sudden.” Jason was not built to operate from a position of perfect neutrality, the best he could manage was the Swiss-style ‘you fuck with me and I fuck with you, you don’t and I don’t.’ Admittedly Alfred’s initial plan was to buy a building and suggest that ‘Since Master Bruce willed you to take over his Outsiders operations, might I suggest living with them to ensure that such a well-knit team gets to know their new leader and team members?’ but Tim felt his version would work just as well without the large expense and the moving-away-from-Gotham-as-it-adjusts-to-a-new-Batman aspect. “And, well, I have a couple of spare rooms which are there if you want them. I’m not going to force you, but…”

“No, I’d like to take one! I’d’ve moved out weeks ago if I didn’t know that years of Alfred’s cooking have totally eradicated what little cooking skills I once had, though I’m still better then B ever was. The only real problem I have is that fucking bet, if only there was some way to convince everyone that we’re not interested in each other.” That resonated with something in Tim’s mind, hadn’t one of the early attempts to get them together actually ended up proving they wouldn’t…? Oh yes, Wonder Woman! Wait a minute… Tim slammed his head into Jason’s desk. “What the fuck!”

“I just realised that we’ve been able to render the whole bet irrelevant since about two weeks into it.”

“Really? How?”

“How did Wonder Woman avoid losing money on it?”

“Well, she…” There was a loud ‘thunk’ as Jason’s head joined Tim’s on the desk. “How the fuck did we miss that? Ok then, to-do list: move into my new home, call a meeting on the Watchtower, persuade WW to use her lasso on us, make sure that as the neutral judge Babs is the only one allowed to ask us questions directly, clear our names, and profit.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure Cass will be the one profiting.”

“Okaay, wouldn’t we have to had kissed at least once for her to win? Because we’ve never done that.”

“To be precise, we’d only have to kiss once, to ensure we don’t have feelings for each other. And before you ask why we’d need to do that, well… We’re Bats. Specifically, we’re Bats who have spent the last several years in violent denial. Can you think of a better way to work out what our emotions actually are?” Jason frowned.

“I’d say ‘telepath’, but, well… Bat. I’d trust every telepathic hero I know with everything but access to my brain. Really, the whole lasso of truth idea would be pushing it if we weren’t going to make certain only Babs can ask questions. Eh, fuck it, why not? It’s just a kiss.” Tim raised an eyebrow at the blasé attitude as they both stood. If he didn’t know Jason better he’d accuse him of not caring, instead of caring so much he felt he had to hide it. He stretched up to reach Jason’s mouth and the kiss… happened. Mentally, Tim had expected that it would be brilliant (for attraction) or horrible (for no attraction). He was rather confused to just find it bland. Not something that he’d have any problem doing again, but there was no real incentive to repeat it. They separated and stared at each other for a moment. Jason was the first to recover from the blandness. He gave Tim a wry smile and a one-shoulder shrug. “Platonic life partners?”

“Till death do us have a really amazing friendship. You may now hug the bestie.” The hug Jason wrapped Tim in felt so much more connecting than the kiss had it was hard to believe. “If you ever tell anyone I said that last word, I will actually think of a threat to carry out against you.”

“I am so scared. Don’t worry, your usage of slang is safe with me. Didn’t Cass say something about a pet, possible children and us having romantic partners too?”

“Yeah, but she’s not actually clairvoyant, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

* * *

 

“Do you still think your big sister isn’t actually a clairvoyant?” Tim looked up from helping Sasha check her Scarlet Bat costume for damage before patrol to see Jason wander into the Basement (Not the best name for a vigilante lair, but Tim’d heard far worse.) half dressed in a dinner suit.

“I think she knows the kind of people we are and that sooner or later something like this would happen, so no. Your costume looks ok to me, Sash, want to go get into it?” Sasha nodded and sprinted for the changing area, which was rude but understandable, given that it was her first night out. “Also, shouldn’t you be finishing getting ready for your date with Roy and Kori?”

“The cat fell asleep on my suit jacket while I was getting dressed.” Of course. Sadly, when your cat was a metafeline with the ability to turn herself into an immovable object that was a legitimate excuse.

“Cat treats are in the cupboard under the sink. Only give her more than fifteen if the first fifteen fail to tempt her off.”

“I know, I know.” Jason turned to go. “Don’t you think it’s a little early for her to be out on the streets?” Tim sighed.

“Emotionally, yes. Logically, she’s more trained than either of us were when we started out, she’ll be with me the whole time, Cass for one is going to be trailing us for the whole night, and Kara has freed up her whole night to be able to provide kryptonian-level assistance in the blink of an eye. She’ll be fine. Now, go have a fun date with your boyfriend and girlfriend, without your comm so you actually listen to what they say, and remember, Dick has bet on you rushing home early because you were too worried about Sasha, and what do the two of us say about Dick’s bets concerning our love-lives?”

“Fuck you very much, Dickie-bird.”

“Exactly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... That was a fic that happened. Don't ask me where the idea came from, because I don't have a clue. This wasn't even the full list of matchmaking attempts I thought up, honourable mentions go to Lady Blackhawk (Get 'em drunk.) and Bruce (Lock them in a room with Alfred, he only joined the bet to shut Dick up.). Did anybody spot the cryptically ominous pun in the Talia section? (Hint: it's about Damian.) I do hope you enjoyed it, most of the mental images had me laughing out loud, but I was writing it for my sense of humour.


End file.
